We were searching on google to find the official definitions and the difference between remorse and regret; and a real apology and a fake one where somebody says things like “I regret that you feel let down.” In the process I found this very funny article on nytimes.com. It’s not new but still relevant:
The Perfect Non-Apology Apology
THE Bush administration’s recent diplomatic success with China — when the spy plane crew was returned home because of the American ambassador’s letter — teaches that, with sufficiently artful double talk, you can get what you want by seeming to express regret while actually accepting no blame. And this can work even if you’re in the wrong! Study the examples below to see how this ingenious strategy can be used to resolve virtually any knotty impasse.
End of an affair:
Both sides can agree that our love affair is now over. It is in the context of this mutual understanding that I express my sincere regrets and share your friends’ and parents’ sorrow at your current discomfort. If, in your opinion, your sensibilities have been injured — despite my having made every possible effort to provide adequate forewarning — I believe that the prompt return of my Michael Bolton CD collection will bring closure to both sides and help begin the healing process.
Parking ticket:
Nobody is sorrier than me that the police officer had to spend his valuable time writing out a parking ticket on my car. Though from my personal standpoint I know for a certainty that the meter had not yet expired, please accept my expression of deep regret at this unfortunate incident. It is hoped that your dismissal of this ticket will mark both an end and a new beginning for both parties, marked by a mutual resolve to avoid such regrettable situations in future.
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It goes on to include examples of non-apologies for social gaffes and even medical malpractice, but you get the point.
It’s amusing yet sad and the reason we have brought it to your attention is to put the letter we received from Karl in context. Yes that’s right, after all this time Karl Lueders sent a letter of non-apology.
Click below to read it for yourself.
Thus far nobody who has read it found it to be sincere, but please let us know what you think.
It is a shame that people who care about Karl have been hurt, but that could have been avoided if he would have been willing to work towards a resolution when it mattered.
Well I think the most important stament in the entire letter is where he says he truly regrets that you feel let down. I think he’s sincere when he says that. He isn’t saying he’s sorry for lying or that you ended up in a house that was falling down around you. Just that he regrets that you blame him. If that is what he wanted to say then he succeeded.
clearly not the apology you asked for since hes only sorry he has a web site or two telling the world he sucks
[...] speaking of surveys… we still haven’t found anybody who found Karl Lueders’ apology to be thoroughly [...]